We meet again Mr Bond...

It's 2013!

But then again I suppose you already knew that.

I do indeed apologise for my lack of posts!

I've had a lot of men work to do recently. 

So let's begin this first post of 2013 by complaining about the weather.

That's right...the snow.

I'd like to share some of my tweets during the falling cloud period with you...

Charlotte Rodford ‏@Char__Izard

Fly tiny albinos fly!

Charlotte Rodford ‏@Char__Izard

Snowflakes are tiny Albino people. #CallMeSnowflake #AlbiWeather

Charlotte Rodford ‏@Char__Izard

Keep your albinos on a lead today, don't want any of them getting lost #AlbiWeather

You get the idea. 

The last one didn't go down very well..anyway, let's play a game

Can you spot all the Albis in this picture?

I'll give you a clue, there's 37.

and a few ferrets.

I jest of course. 

I'll leave you with an Albino pun

or #AlbiPun if you're 'hip'

Until next time day dwellers.

Albi-out.

Can't say fairer than that...

After receiving an angry text question my blogging whereabouts, Here I am.

Call off the search.

so FRANTICALLY I have been searching for something to blog about, and I have found it.

They say laughter is the best medicine so I thought I'd bring to you some albi-jokes courtesy of sickipedia. 

Prepare yourselves.

If you feel offended at any point during these jokes and feel you wish to inform me about it, you can contact me on:

0777...

So let the games begin...

I was haggling with a Albino, he gave me a great price,

You can't say fairer than that.

^ should be my reaction, instead...

me:

I got suspended from my job as a teacher today for telling one of my students that he was the brightest kid in class. I didn't realise Albinos were so f****** sensitive.

I saw an Albino Polar Bear once.

"How do you know it was Albino?"

...It was Black.

What does an Albino threesome look like?

A Custard Cream

Yeah if you laughed at the last one...I ask you to look at the top GIF.

and then...

I accept cheques.

Albi-out. 

IT'S NOT WHITE!!!!!!!!!!

Me: thinking of stripping my hair back to it's normal colour

Person: Yeah I liked it when it was white.

--------------------------------

Me: Argh my roots are coming through.

Different person: GO BACK TO YOUR WHITE HAIR!

--------------------------------

Yet another different person: You're the girl with the white hair.

--------------------------------

white

white

White

WHITE

WHITE

 People calling my hair white makes me very...very....

I suppose I could forgive people for thinking it's white because its very lig-

NO

NO!

This is the colour WHITE:

This is the colour OF MY HAIR:

IF A PARTIALLY SIGHTED PERSON CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE, SO CAN THE REST OF THE (PERFECT VISIONED) SOCIETY!

I am calm now...

Zen...

Just call it blond..I'm not an advert for Daz 

:)

Peace-out.

CHARLOTTEOPIA

*Insert Godly choir here*

Oh look...a Godly choir...

Anyway my blogees, it has been a while.

Let me clasp your internet hands and drag you back in time a moment..

to a previous post created by yours truly all about why I am not allowed/cannot drive...

http://albi-no-life.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/vroom-vroom-crash.html

I'll just sit here whilst you check it out...

You back?

Good.

(Keep that post in mind whilst I commence)

Let me ask you a question:

Who owns the world?

Well...?

The answer: NO ONE.

Now let me present to you a statement:

IT IS LEGAL FOR YOU TO DRIVE ON YOUR OWN PRIVATE LAND WITHOUT A LICENCE. 

Yes sadly this is news to me..I am a bit slow..

THEREFORE...

If I owned the Earth..hint hint...

I could drive anywhere...

That's right..Charlotteopia...

Maybe not..

Although the Earth is rocking that hat and glasses...

Still, I can purchase some land to drive on- Keeping it realistic.

F*** Realistic I will own the Earth and you will all be my minions. 

Albi-Lympics.

This post has taken a sporting theme (Inspired by the Olympics of course)

I am simply going to inform you about my various..sporting... anecdotes...

Which consist of a lot of:

...

And...:

Ahem...

So clearly I'm not the most 'able sportswoman' of 2012 BUT I do try.

and fail...

story number 1) My P.E class was taken to a GRASSY field and I was given a GREEN javelin (Bet you can guess where this is going...) So I threw my javelin (NOT VERY FAR AT ALL), went to collect it, then decided to walk into the pointy end sticking out of the ground...

Story number 2) I got hit in the face with a netball. When I wasn't even playing a netball match. I was standing at the side. 

Many meters away from the match.

here is a list of sporting equipment that has hit Charlotte in the face:

• Tennis balls

• Footballs

• Basketballs

• Shuttlecocks 

• Frisbees

• Sponge balls.

• One of those giant exorcise ball things...

• Babies. 

What can I say..my face just attracts balls..

Get your minds out of the gutter please...so we can continue...

I want my own version of the Olympics :)

You've seen the Olympics

You've seen the para-lympics...

but never before have you seen the Albi-Lympics.

I would have sports like:

the 100cm race...

(Albi-Snail)

The 3legged race:

(Albi-Monkey)

the 1000m swim

(Albi-Dolphin)

And lastly...

Tickets to my Albi-Lympics would be much easier to get hold of than the ones at the moment..

cough cough

Anyone else think 'Albi-Lympics' sounds like a disease? 

Give me your BLOOD..actually no..don't..not you...

Albi-related???

Maybe, Maybe not.

So, I went to give blood...

On Friday the 13th 

You know..to save lives and all that...

Sadly my Albi-blood will save no lives. as they DID NOT TAKE IT.

I spend half an hour sitting in the waiting area (which- by the way..was more depressing than the waiting area at Argos...if such a thing is possible) listening to Magic FM, s******* myself, (if you'll pardon the French) hoping the song Bleeding Love didn't come on.

I think they didn't take it because my blood is this colour: 

They thought...best not take that...too PRECIOUS...

Wait, Albino's don't have liquid gold blood????

Mind the...Step...

Just me???????

I am very attached to the Earth.

When I say 'Earth' I mean the floor in general.

When I say 'I am attached' I mean I fall over a lot.

I'm not sure if this is just me...maybe it's an Albino thing. I TRIP OVER EVERYTHING. 

^ Me.

I trip over my own feet sometimes...who does that.

You know what else I trip on?- Air

AIR

AND- I walk into things...then apologise to inanimate objects?

"Sorry....chair...?" 

and then..people turn and say 'there's a chair there.'

...really?

Maybe it really is an Albi thing...I trip up on curbs a lot, maybe I just don't look where I'm walking.

That brings me onto something else.

This really is al Albi thing I prommise.

Sometimes I don't see cars coming...even when I look both ways..

^ Partially see what I did there ;)

But I just step out anyway, then I remember...

1) CARS ARE HUGE.

2) I HAVE EARS?!

It's nice to recognise one's own stupidity.

Albi-Out