Albino Cave Dwellers

Greetings

So a friend of mine stumbled across something whilst we were...

hmm..how to put this gently..

thinking up funny names to describe a penis.

said friend has discovered that a name for this part of the male anatomy...can be refered to as an:

Albino Cave Dweller

OR...As urban dictionary puts it:

another word for the penis of a caucasian man.

"In the pants of a ban lerks a vial creature known as the albino cave dweller."

So my only option from here was to go a little deeper...If you'll pardon the pun

And thus, that same friend discovered a film

about Albino

Cave

Dwellers

Alas it is not a film about big old dancing...

...yeah

Here it is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Waits_Below

Maybe watch it or something, let me know how it is

Cave-dweller out. 

P.S

If you Google image AlbinoCaveDwellers (In the interest of science of course) Gollum will find his way there somehow

Always.

Well Albi-Dammed!

^ That is my new catchphrase for when I'm shocked.

Feel free to say it out-loud while reading through this post, I don't judge.

Yep, I'm funny 

Now this is where S*** gets serious.

I have a confession to make.

My confession is.

That I used to want to be...

A

Big

Black

Basketball

Player

Michael Jordan doesn't approve. 

It's kind of hard being a big black basketball player when you look like this:

I'm shitting you, I look like this, of course:

A face only a mother could love.

But you know what?

NO.

I WILL BE MICHAEL JORDAN.

Hells yea.

To do list:

Grow a few feet

Change gender

Black-up

Learn how to play basketball

Well albi-dammed that's a lot of work.

I'll keep ya'll updated

Live long and Albi-prosper. 

We meet again Mr Bond...

It's 2013!

But then again I suppose you already knew that.

I do indeed apologise for my lack of posts!

I've had a lot of men work to do recently. 

So let's begin this first post of 2013 by complaining about the weather.

That's right...the snow.

I'd like to share some of my tweets during the falling cloud period with you...

Charlotte Rodford ‏@Char__Izard

Fly tiny albinos fly!

Charlotte Rodford ‏@Char__Izard

Snowflakes are tiny Albino people. #CallMeSnowflake #AlbiWeather

Charlotte Rodford ‏@Char__Izard

Keep your albinos on a lead today, don't want any of them getting lost #AlbiWeather

You get the idea. 

The last one didn't go down very well..anyway, let's play a game

Can you spot all the Albis in this picture?

I'll give you a clue, there's 37.

and a few ferrets.

I jest of course. 

I'll leave you with an Albino pun

or #AlbiPun if you're 'hip'

Until next time day dwellers.

Albi-out.

Can't say fairer than that...

After receiving an angry text question my blogging whereabouts, Here I am.

Call off the search.

so FRANTICALLY I have been searching for something to blog about, and I have found it.

They say laughter is the best medicine so I thought I'd bring to you some albi-jokes courtesy of sickipedia. 

Prepare yourselves.

If you feel offended at any point during these jokes and feel you wish to inform me about it, you can contact me on:

0777...

So let the games begin...

I was haggling with a Albino, he gave me a great price,

You can't say fairer than that.

^ should be my reaction, instead...

me:

I got suspended from my job as a teacher today for telling one of my students that he was the brightest kid in class. I didn't realise Albinos were so f****** sensitive.

I saw an Albino Polar Bear once.

"How do you know it was Albino?"

...It was Black.

What does an Albino threesome look like?

A Custard Cream

Yeah if you laughed at the last one...I ask you to look at the top GIF.

and then...

I accept cheques.

Albi-out. 

IT'S NOT WHITE!!!!!!!!!!

Me: thinking of stripping my hair back to it's normal colour

Person: Yeah I liked it when it was white.

--------------------------------

Me: Argh my roots are coming through.

Different person: GO BACK TO YOUR WHITE HAIR!

--------------------------------

Yet another different person: You're the girl with the white hair.

--------------------------------

white

white

White

WHITE

WHITE

 People calling my hair white makes me very...very....

I suppose I could forgive people for thinking it's white because its very lig-

NO

NO!

This is the colour WHITE:

This is the colour OF MY HAIR:

IF A PARTIALLY SIGHTED PERSON CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE, SO CAN THE REST OF THE (PERFECT VISIONED) SOCIETY!

I am calm now...

Zen...

Just call it blond..I'm not an advert for Daz 

:)

Peace-out.

CHARLOTTEOPIA

*Insert Godly choir here*

Oh look...a Godly choir...

Anyway my blogees, it has been a while.

Let me clasp your internet hands and drag you back in time a moment..

to a previous post created by yours truly all about why I am not allowed/cannot drive...

http://albi-no-life.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/vroom-vroom-crash.html

I'll just sit here whilst you check it out...

You back?

Good.

(Keep that post in mind whilst I commence)

Let me ask you a question:

Who owns the world?

Well...?

The answer: NO ONE.

Now let me present to you a statement:

IT IS LEGAL FOR YOU TO DRIVE ON YOUR OWN PRIVATE LAND WITHOUT A LICENCE. 

Yes sadly this is news to me..I am a bit slow..

THEREFORE...

If I owned the Earth..hint hint...

I could drive anywhere...

That's right..Charlotteopia...

Maybe not..

Although the Earth is rocking that hat and glasses...

Still, I can purchase some land to drive on- Keeping it realistic.

F*** Realistic I will own the Earth and you will all be my minions. 

Albi-Lympics.

This post has taken a sporting theme (Inspired by the Olympics of course)

I am simply going to inform you about my various..sporting... anecdotes...

Which consist of a lot of:

...

And...:

Ahem...

So clearly I'm not the most 'able sportswoman' of 2012 BUT I do try.

and fail...

story number 1) My P.E class was taken to a GRASSY field and I was given a GREEN javelin (Bet you can guess where this is going...) So I threw my javelin (NOT VERY FAR AT ALL), went to collect it, then decided to walk into the pointy end sticking out of the ground...

Story number 2) I got hit in the face with a netball. When I wasn't even playing a netball match. I was standing at the side. 

Many meters away from the match.

here is a list of sporting equipment that has hit Charlotte in the face:

• Tennis balls

• Footballs

• Basketballs

• Shuttlecocks 

• Frisbees

• Sponge balls.

• One of those giant exorcise ball things...

• Babies. 

What can I say..my face just attracts balls..

Get your minds out of the gutter please...so we can continue...

I want my own version of the Olympics :)

You've seen the Olympics

You've seen the para-lympics...

but never before have you seen the Albi-Lympics.

I would have sports like:

the 100cm race...

(Albi-Snail)

The 3legged race:

(Albi-Monkey)

the 1000m swim

(Albi-Dolphin)

And lastly...

Tickets to my Albi-Lympics would be much easier to get hold of than the ones at the moment..

cough cough

Anyone else think 'Albi-Lympics' sounds like a disease?